So everyday, at 7:30am, my son and I "get in to it" about getting his shoes on, his coat on, turn the TV off. We have to be out of that door at 7:45am. Sound familiar?
My son has a wondering mind, one that cannot be tamed. I envy people like that, as adults. Usually, those minds strive. They are driven and successful. But at 5…it’s like "really Ryley, lets GO! Stop touching this, put that down, I don’t care what you have to say right now. Its 7:45 and we need to go!"
I feel like every parent has done this, and for me…it’s too often. Every morning to be exact. I’ve tried waking him up earlier, going through what needs to be done this morning, and of course yelling. Nothing seems to tame that mind.
My son, when I yell and he gets mad, he cries. He cries loud and screams. Then, he makes this irritating noise, "eh" like a million times in two seconds. But today, today was different. Today, I didn’t make Ryley mad; I hurt his feelings….bad.
We always, play some game. Ispy, shapes, math, counting, rhyming, etc. This morning, he wanted to tell me about sounds that sound the same, but have different meanings, like "see" and "sea" and the letter "C". We usually kick butt at this game! He is one smart cookie for a five year old. So today, he goes, "mom, there are two different types of P," and of course my mind goes to pea, like peas you eat and pee, like going potty. So I said that. He tells me that I am wrong and to guess again. I am stumped. So, I say I don’t know and ask what I am missing. He goes, keep guessing mommy. So I said I really don’t know Ryley. This goes on for about 2 minutes. Then what he said irritated me so much this morning and it shouldn’t have. He goes "mom, take another guess. It’s not THAT hard." He said it in this snotty tone that set me off. I yelled and screamed, and to be honest…I couldn’t even tell you what I said, but I know it left him very upset.
He didn’t do that normal loud cry. He whimpered. He tried to fight back his tears, but he couldn’t, so he tried to be quiet. That whimpering broke my heart, but it wasn’t until I was at work, laughing and acting like nothing happened.
I am a strong woman. I rarely show emotion and I come off cold. But I can love so deeply, but it’s usually with gifts not gestures. I tend to be cold and emotionless with my children. I want them to be strong themselves and they are going to be men…they need to be emotionless, right? Wrong! What I am trying to instill and be an example of to my boys, is exactly what I hate the most in men. No emotion and stubborn as hell!
So today at work, when it finally hit me that I need to stop, take a deep breath and remember he is five, not 25. I need to stop yelling and let him embrace his emotions and personality. I need to let him be stubborn, and then show him how he could react differently.
I know I am a great mom, I have great advise and how I raise my kids are good ways, but how I disciple…needs work. I need to realize that my tone means everything. So starting today, I am going to try like hell to relax and let my children embrace themselves and live a little. They are boys and my mini’s, after all!